the scale
Well,
My Blog Is Poop fans, the time has come.
When I first began working on this little blog of mine, I had a handful of ideas that I decided I would eventually write about. I wanted to talk about hipsters, delve into the world of the snakehead fish, and explain to you how the
White Stripes are the new
Smashing Pumpkins. I planned on talking about what's going on in the world of pop culture, what's going on with my ever-important fantasy baseball team, and what's going on here at
VH1. For the most part, I've touched on the majority of topics I've wanted to talk about (
except the White Stripes - Smashing Pumpkins thing, but that's coming). However, there's one thing I wanted to share with you that I just kept putting off... and in honor of my 100th post (2 posts ago), I've decided it was time.
It's time for
The Scale.
When I was in college, I had 2 roommates, Alan and Eric. One day, I was walking around campus with Alan and telling him about this girl in my film class that was absolutely gorgeous. I described her to him, and then said, "She's a 9, at least." Alan's response surprised me. "Well, if you say she's a 9, then she's probably a 7 because you have weird taste." We got into an argument (
because my taste is impeccable, obviously), and when cooler heads prevailed, we decided something had to be done about this discrepancy. With different people having different "types," we needed a system in which we could measure all girls equally. A uniform scale in which all people could go by. A scale that could change the world as we know it. After countless sleepless nights, and countless Bud Lights, we figured it out. And today I'm going to share it with the world. Now, before I go on, I don't want anybody thinking we're pigs. The whole "she's a 10" thing has been around long before Bob & Alan & Bud Lights. We just perfected it, that's all. Here's how it works... are you ready?
The Scale is based on the classic 10 point scale. Scores are given in half-point intervals (.5, 1, 1.5, etc.). The breakdown goes:
Rack - 2
Ass - 2
Stomach - 1
Legs - 1
Face - 4
(There are a couple of things to remember. First of all, when on the body, bigger doesn't always mean better. It's all about proportions. And with the face, a 4 is flawless and a 2 is pretty. Rate accordingly.)
Okay, now here's the thing. While this scale is purely physical, there are also 2 X-Factors that you can attach onto a score (but cannot factor INTO a score). The 2 X-Factors are "Sex Appeal" and "Personality." So you could say, "Yeah, she was a 6 with huuuge Sex Appeal." Or, "She's incredible. An 8 with Personality." Stuff like that. The amazing thing about The Scale is that it actually works! When you add up the numbers and arrive at a score, you'll realize, "yep. that's right."
Now, there are 2 rules regarding The Scale. #1, always give the girl the benefit of the doubt. If you and your friend are stuck on whether someone gets a 2 or a 2 1/2 for the face, give her the 2 1/2. It all works out. And rule #2, never, NEVER tell someone their score. Trust me on this one. Using this scale, a 7 is a great score. You can't tell a girl she's a 7 without getting slapped. Again, trust me.
I hope this post doesn't come off as sexist. We've shared The Scale with tons of girls, and for the most part they LOVE it. And girls are usually better at rating other girls anyway. When you're out at the bars this weekend, try it out. The more you practice, the better you get. And ladies, if you can come up with a system for rating guys, please share it. Many women have tried, but it doesn't seem to work out. If you figure it out, let me know. Just don't tell me my score. Trust me.
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b at 11:34 AM
