TRANSCRIPT FROM OJ SIMPSON'S "JUICED"
In case you haven't heard, O.J. Simpson is planning to produce his own Punk'd-style prank show. Luckily, the folks here at
My Blog Is Poop were able to come across a transcript from the very first episode.
"JUICED" - PILOT
Setup:
O.J. and his wacky group of sidekicks "punk" er, "juice" Newleyweds Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. After picking them up from the airport, the cast of JUICED will make Nick and Jessica think that their driver hit a pedestrian, because Punk'd hasn't played that scenario out yet by doing it over and over and over again. Hilarity ensues. PJ will be playing "the driver." Sarah will be "the pedestrian" and OJ will be playing the part of Sarah's boyfriend, who witnessed the "accident."
Scene:
PJ: Good afternoon.
JessicaSimpson: Hello.
NickLachey: How you doin'?
PJ: Can't complain, can't complain. You all buckled up back there?
NL: Yep, all buckled in.
PJ: All right, off we go. (Pause) Hey, I know you two, don't I? Aren't you both actors?
JS: Actually, we're singers.
PJ: No, no... I think you're both actors. Right?
NL: Well, we actually do both. We act and we sing.
PJ: I thought so. I knew you looked familiar. So what movies have I seen you in?
NL: We're on television. We have a show called Newleyweds on M...
(PJ "hits" Sarah)
JS: Oh my gosh, what was that?
PJ: I think I just hit somebody! (winks to camera)
NL: S***, then stop the car!
PJ: I don't think they're hurt. I'm sure we can keep on going.
JS: Stop the car!
PJ: Okay, okay, I'll stop. But I don't know what good it's going to do.
PJ pulls the car over and Nick & Jessica get out. OJ and Sarah approach the car. Sarah is limping.
Sarah: Oh my God, you hit me!
JS: We didn't do it, our driver did.
NL: Yeah, we told him to pull over. He was ready to just leave you there.
Sarah: I can't believe you hit me with your car!
JS: It's not our car. We're just coming back from the airport!
OJ: Oh, coming back from the airport? A likely story. You hit my girlfriend!
NL: Sir, we're sorry. But we didn't do it, our driver did. I'm really sorry about your girlfriend. We'll help out in any way we can. Honestly, we're just as upset as you are.
OJ: Oh, you're just as upset as I am? You think you're just as upset as I am?? You hit my girlfriend!!! I'll show you F****** UPSET!
OJ removes a concealed 6-inch Hunting Knife from belt buckle. Lunges at Nick Lachey.
OJ: I'll show you upset MotherF*****!!! (OJ proceeds to violently stab Nick in chest and stomach area)
JS: (horrified) Nick!
OJ: Oh, you want some of this too, Bitch??? Huh? Do you??? (OJ quickly swings around and slices Jessica's throat open. She falls to the ground a bloody mess.)
NL: Baby... (gasping for air)
OJ: (standing over the two) That'll teach you to hit somebody's girlfriend! (Pause) And it will also teach you... (smiles) that OJ Simpson is one crazy prankster! You got
Juiced!!! (winks at Camera) Got you two! Ha!
The camera crew reveal themselves. Everybody is laughing and clapping and patting OJ and Sarah on the back. Jessica is already dead, and Nick is hanging on for dear life. Before he loses consciousness, OJ picks Nick up, puts his arm around him, and poses for a picture. OJ & Sarah laugh and hug as the Camera pulls back. Break for commercial.
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b at 2:53 PM
