Answers, Part 1 of 3
Why did you pee in a diaper?
In college I produced an amazing sketch comedy show called
Pregame. At the end of our first season, we decided to do something big on campus to promote our last episode. So, we had my friend Afro Brian walking a poodle around campus, smoking cigarettes, the word Pregame written on his back, and- oh yeah- wearing nothing but a diaper. The night before the stunt, we had to go to CVS to actually buy the diapers
(and for the record, CVS does not have fitting rooms). Anyway, when we got the diapers back to the apartment, Brian and I immediately had to try them out. We strapped those babies on, cracked open a couple of beers, and spent the night drinking in diapers. Eventually, when nature called, it just made sense to go for it. And just so you know, peeing in a diaper knocks you out! Brian and I both slept like babies that night.
Why did you try to cook an Egg on the Foreman?
Because I love the Foreman Grill, and somebody told me it would work. I still think it could. Next time I just have to tilt the grill up a bit so the egg won't slide off onto the floor again. Oh yeah, and also because I'm an idiot.
What ever happened to the other two Cinnamon Toast Crunch chefs? And why was Wendell chosen as the only surviving member?
Well, if you recall, Wendell was the fat one. The marketing geniuses over at cinnamon Toast Crunch decided, "Hmm, we need to lose two of the three chefs... you know what, let's keep the obese one. That's what you want to see on your over-sugary breakfast cereal box, right?"
Did you ever wear braces. If so, for how long?
Too long. I actually got braces during the seventh grade, and did not get them off until I was a junior in high school. However, that didn't stop my orthodontist from saying, "Looks good. They should be coming off in a couple of months" every fucking visit for 4 straight years.
Did you ever know anyone who had their jaw wired shut for 6 weeks? What was it like for that person?
I do have a friend that got his jaw wired shut at the beginning of the summer. When I asked him what it was like, he responded, "Mmmmfffsksskkkjkj;fmmmmmpupupiu2ak."
Why was Zack Morris attracted to Tori?
Zack was able to act out his homosexual desires for Slater by getting with Tori. Think about it: leather jacket, played sports, loved cars, curly hair, big dimples, Z Cavariccis. Since there were absolutely no gay people at Bayside, Zack knew making a move on A.C. would lead to his demise. So, he went for the next best thing.
will you marry me?
Talking about marriage, my uncle once asked me, "Bob, you'd never buy a car you didn't test drive first, would you?" I said of course not. So, I can't marry you yet, however if you're not busy maybe we can meet up sometime...
Have you ever met hanson? because i love hanson. SInce you are at someplace they may have visited it's not really impossible. Also, I ask everyone this. I also tell them that if they ever get to meet hanson, and know ahead of time, I'd better be invited.
Definitely my favorite question. Believe it or not, yes, I did meet Hanson. We interviewed them for Best Week Ever the second week I worked here. I was excited too, because I had an unhealthy Hanson fascination in high school. I bought the cassette single for "Mmm Bop" and I would make my girlfriend refer to "I Will Come To You" as "our song." It was all in jest... kinda. But anyway, I did meet them. Taylor was cool, but the little one annoyed the shit out of everybody. And sadly, they were all taller than me.
Have you ever driven while drunk? Did you find it as difficult as they say?
Besides the morning after? Because driving drunk when the sun is up doesn't count, right? But seriously, yes, I have driven drunk. I am not proud of this, it just sort of happened a couple of times in college. In my defense, I was never
too drunk to drive, and I didn't find it that difficult. I have not done it in years, and I don't plan on ever doing it again. Don't drink and drive, kids.
I'm Ron Burgundy?
Dammit, who put a question mark on the teleprompter???
Have you ever cheated during a competitive Pub-Crawl just to win a T-shirt featuring Fred "Rerun" Berry?
Never. Crissy and I won that Pub-Crawl fair and square. We're just better drinkers than the rest of you, deal with it. That's why we won the "Lisa 'Lefteye' Lopez Memorial Pub Crawl" in 2002, as well as the "Fred 'Rerun' Berry" Memorial Pub Crawl" last year. And yes, we are the early favorites to three-peat this Thanksgiving-eve at the "Rick 'Superfreak' James Memorial Pub Crawl."
What is it like living with a gay man in New York City?
I don't know, ask my roommate.
Mustard or Ketchup on a hot dog?
I eat hot dogs plain. I also usually eat salads plain too. I'm strange.
why do you cry?
This question, apparently, was written by a robot.
Why is Tony Danza doing a talk show instead of Teaching at Towson?
The "Hey, did you hear that Tony Danza is teaching a class at Towson next semester?" rumor that we started our sophomore year college and got tons of people to believe, was, in fact, just a rumor. Bad news for Towson, but good news for daytime television!
why is bill murray so watchable?
He's also kidnappable. Bill Murray used to go to the same driving range that my friends and I went to, so every time we went we plotted how to kidnap him. I mean, how great would it be to have Bill Murray at your house, just being entertaining all the time? Do that "I'm sailing!" bit again, Bill. Come on, do it again. I SAID FUCKING DO IT AGAIN!!!
If you had take one of your Weird Al Yankovic cd's onto a deserted island, which one would it be? I know you've always been partial to 1985's "Dare To Be Stupid", but I also remember you were a big fan of his 1996 comeback hit "Amish Paradise".
Tough call. Believe it or not, I'd go with his 1992 effort
Off The Deep End, narrowly edging out 1988's
Even Worse. "Smells Like Nirvana" is just a little bit better than "Fat," in my humble, loser opinion.
Assumming a catostrophic disaster that left only you and one other person (a female 250+ pounds) left on earth. Who would you most want the fat chick to be?
The mom from
What's Eating Gilbert Grape, because she would be comfortable to sleep on.
Why did you bring a ROCK back to 17 3 A Stonewain Court with that girl who always wore that FOX Hoodie?
Listen, that girl was cute, albeit strange. We spent a day in the woods and she thought that rock was cool looking, so we decided to bring it back to the apartment. Yes, it was heavy and dirty and stupid, but in my defense, the gesture was meant to lead to ass.
does pornography diminish the soul?
I actually asked both a priest and a rabbi this question to find out the answer, and strangely, they both said the same thing: Yes, but only bukkake.
(part 2 coming soon...)
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b at 6:01 PM
