Answers, Part 3 of 3
So here it is, the thrilling conclusion. I've answered all your questions honestly, and I hope they were semi-enjoyable. Thank you to everybody who had something to ask, and if you guys dug this, we could definitely do it again sometime.
why do you blog? who does this blog serve?
I'm glad somebody asked this. I started the blog because I was working on a VH1 show where I had NOTHING to do. You can only read so many blogs before you decide, Hey, I should do that. Besides, as a 'comedian' I figured it would be good for me to write something every day. That's how it started. I just wanted to amuse my friends here at work. Now I blog because I want to amuse people I don't know, and hope that it leads to people saying, "I enjoy the my blog is poop guy. We should go see him do stand-up." So, who does this blog serve? America.
Do you really hook up alot? i am confused about that.
This question surprised me, because I've never talked about actually hooking up in this blog. I've never written about any specific experiences, or even alluded to anything of that nature. All of my hookup posts have been full of general ideas and blanket statements about different aspects of hooking up, but I've never told stories or named names. I don't know whether to be flattered that this person assumes I hook up a lot, or be worried that people might perceive me as a slut. That being said, I'm not sure how to answer. What do you consider a lot? I don't think I hook up a lot, but I also don't think I have anything to complain about. I'm not one of these guys you see out at night scoping out the scene and trying to decide which chick I'm going to bang. I learned a long time ago that life is a lot more enjoyable when you go out to have fun instead of going out to hook up.
How men/women have you slept with? (so typical I know)
Hmm. Due to a presumed grammatical error, I'm not sure what this means. I guess I can't answer it. Try again next time.
is there such a thing as a selfless act?
Of course. Stupid.
why are so many wealthy actors scientologists?
Why are so many homeless people musicians?
people interested in flavor flav now: do you think most were fans of public enemy? if not why are they interested in him and does is compare to the popularity of paris hilton in any way? what do you think chuck d thinks of current era flava flav?
Most people that love Flavor now have never even heard of Public Enemy. In fact, they probably don't even like black people very much. Flavor Flav's new found fame is very similar to Paris Hilton's, solely because Flavor has become famous for doing nothing. That being said, at least Flavor is hilarious and enjoyable, while Paris is a complete waste of space. Regarding Chuck D; he's rolling over in his grave. And in conclusion, FLAVOR FLAAAAAAAAVVVV!
If you had to make a purchase from a midnight infomercial, what would it be?
Girls Gone Wild-- without that Doug Stanhoff guy.
Hypothetical situation. All your friends, family, coworkers, hell everyone you know, are all in some sort of peril. Falling off a raft, crashing cars into each other, diving into volcanoes, you name it. You have the opportunity to save only one person, and you need to save that one person. Who would you save and why?
My buddy, Sean Kobrin. As far as why... if you check out my post from July 9th you might be able to figure it out. That's all I can say.
what were you like as a teenager?
Pretty much the same as I am now, just a little less hairy. Senior year I was voted "Classical Comebacks"
(because I was a smart ass) and my friend Dan and I were "Bosom Buddies." I played hockey and baseball, I performed in the school plays, I was a hopeless romantic who wore Green Day T-shirts and loved Pearl Jam. That about sums it up.
why do people never finish out their gym memberships?
I didn't know this was such a problem. Um. I'm sorry?
Why did you stuff a sock down your pants and make a girl cry.
I almost forgot about that! Okay, here's the story. One night at Towson we had an impromptu party at our apartment after somebody else's party got broken up. So we had about 20 people over, drinking, playing beer pong, and having a good time. There was one guy we didn't know, visiting from College Park, who was acting like a complete dickhead to everybody. We finally (not so politely) asked him to leave, and he did. Meanwhile this guy's sister was also at the party, flirting with a bunch of guys. Hours later, as the party dies down, this girl is still flirting with some friends... obviously just stringing them along. Fine, no harm done. Finally, at about 4:30, we had had it. My roommate Alan says to me, "B, you have to end this thing." So, I walked into my room, took off all my clothes, put on a pair of tighty whities, stuffed a tremendous pair of gym socks down the front, and walked back into the living room. I sat down in the middle of the room, spread eagle, and started talking to the girl. Eventually her brother comes up in conversation, so I said, "yeah, that kid was a real dick." She gets really offended, starts yelling at me, and out of nowhere yells, "You know, you think just because you have a BIG DICK you can go around being mean to people, but you can't!" Amazing.
you're anti-bush aren't you? FYI: just because i live in TX and my husband is in Iraq does not mean I support either of these idiots. I am not too impressed with either and am honestly thinking about putting myself on the ballot in the write-in box. Or maybe Taylor Hanson. I better start to see some real impressive stuff happening real soon here.
I would vote for you, and/or Taylor Hanson before I voted for George Bush.
what was the best vacation you ever took?
Going to Tampa to see 2 New York Yankees Spring Training games with my (ex) girlfriend. And my LA/San Diego trip last summer, where we did everything from going to a Dodgers game to jet skiing to partying with Trichelle from the Real World. Just an insane week.
In the picture with that flava guy, you look pretty thin. In that picture that's of the back fo your head, those guys look a little.......... not thin. What's up with that.
Well, in the Flavor pic I just got out of rehab, so... yeah. I'm not a Stroke, but I'm no John Popper either.
Why is Compton?
Unfair. This question is impossible to answer. We've been trying to understand our friend, Chris Compton, for years now. We've been able to answer Where is Compton, Who is Compton, How is Compton, What is Compton, and even When is Compton (arriving, because he's late)? However, Why is Compton will never be understood.
are you going to dan/greg/mike's party sat night? if so, will you be departing from bklyn? if so, do you wanna spoon on the path on the way over?
I am going to their party on Saturday night, I will be departing from Brooklyn, and I would love to spoon on the PATH. But ONLY if we're both really drunk, drinking Sparks, and making fun of all the Jersey girls with long fingernails on the train. Deal?
where does the white go when snow melts?
Out of all the questions I was asked... congratulations. This is the one that stumped me. You win, asshole.
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b at 4:24 PM
