1) ODB, 2) alcohol, 3) a quiz
Me: Brian, big news. Ol' Dirty Bastard died.
Brian: It's still going to be the Rodney Dangerfield Pub Crawl, though, right?
Me: Absolutely not. ODB Bri, ODB.
Brian: Aww man, I was really excited about the T-shirts.
Me: This will be even better.
Brian: You know, this just goes to show you how big the pub crawl has gotten. Celebrities are actually planning their deaths around it now.
Anyway, let me take you back to a simpler time. A time where the Wu Tang Clan was still complete and the Pub Crawl was still dedicated to Rodney. Saturday.
You know what, I actually can't take you back to Saturday because Saturday is a little too blurry for me. I had two birthdays that night, so no matter what it was going to turn into a drunk night. But that wasn't good enough. So,
Dan and I decided to go to start drinking at 4 for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Now isn't that always the best reason?
We headed over to
Off The Wagon to enjoy some cheap pitchers of beer. On Saturdays they have this deal where the pitchers start at $3.50 at noon, and then go up .50 every hour. So, the two of us shared 4 or 5 pitchers, watching them increase from $5.50 to $7. At about $6.50 some folks from a Village Pub Crawl stumbled into the bar. Dan and I laid it on thick to the unattractive girls who saddled up beside us in hopes of scoring some free beer, but ultimately decided that it wasn't worth it since the beer we were drinking was practically free anyway. Everything was going well and good, until people next to us started ordering shots. Since there were a ton of them, the bartender poured about a dozen shots. Then they kept ordering more drinks and talking amongst themselves, the whole time just leaving the shots on the bar. So of course, very smoothly, I stole a shot and handed it off to Dan. He said, "I'm not doing this alone," so he reached across me to steal another one and got caught by the bartender. "These aren't your shots!" he yelled. Our drunken response was something along the lines of "Oh, whoops, I thought they were, sorry." Great start to the night.
At 8 o'clock we headed into the east village for the birthday dinner. The place we were going to was BYOB, so we stopped at a liquor store and picked up a couple of bottles of wine. Now, I never thought I'd write that sentence because I've NEVER liked wine. I constantly declare that I'm "trying to get into wine" but the truth is I haven't had a sip of wine in about a year. That changed Saturday night. I drank a ton of it, and actually really liked it. This could usher in a whole new era, but I mean, it's not like I was suffering before.
The rest of the night, admittedly, is blurry. Somehow I stayed out until 4, and somehow I made it back to Brooklyn. If anybody knows how, I'd appreciate the help.
But on a completely unrelated note, ever since
my anti-Aaron Karo post, I've been cursed with people sending me his latest Ruminations every time he writes one. Today,
Stereogum was the first person to do it. So, I decided rather than ignoring it and pretending it doesn't happen, whenever Aaron Karo writes more crap, we'll play
Guess The Karo! 2 of these are Karo's, and 2 of these are completely inane and unfunny observations that I'm trying to pass off as Karo's. Answers are in the Comments. Good luck.
(1)
I think most alcohol is named properly, except for Jaeger. Because it's never "Yay-ger!" Instead, it's always, "Don't make me do another one of those because I might throw up- ger!"
(2)
Don't girls just love their cute, little digital cameras? Listen, I think they're cool, too, but there is no reason to take 600 posed pictures every time you go to dinner with three or more people!
(3)
Last week my friend called to me to find out if the bar we were going to had a coat check. Are you kidding me? He used to call to find out how many girls were going to be there and how drunk we planned on getting, now he's calling for a coat check? Man, we're old!
(4)
The other day, I ordered toilet paper on the Internet. Greatest fucking thing ever. It was soft. It was cheap. And I didn't even have to leave the house. If I could get them to deliver it to me in my actual bathroom, my life might be complete.
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b at 3:16 PM
