The 2005 Poop List
With 2K4 nearing a close, and 2K5 barreling towards us, I decided to look ahead and start making a list. More specifically, a Poop List. What is a Poop List, you ask? Well, a Poop List is kind of like a Shit List, but not quite. While a Shit List is a list consisting of enemies or things you can't stand, my Poop List will be a list of things or types of people that get on my nerves throughout the year.
Now don't worry, this site isn't taking a turn to the bitter. I'm still an easygoing and relaxed guy, but I am human. There are things that I don't like dealing with and things that I want to see come to an end. Hopefully raising awareness to such things will force people to take note, and we can all go into 2K6 happier and healthier than before.
So, without further hesitation, I'm going to get a head start, and announce the first entry to the
2005 Poop List.
1. People who say, "I mean, MTV doesn't even play music videos anymore."
I can't stand this. Listen, everybody knows that MTV doesn't play music videos anymore. It's common knowledge. MTV hasn't played videos with any kind of regularity since the early 90's. We get it. But even though everybody knows this, there are still people that feel the need to declare that
"MTV doesn't even play music videos anymore" during any discussion on music, videos, or music videos.
Everybody's gotten sucked into this conversation. My routine response used to be, "Yeah, I know. It sucks," which is the response that the person is looking for 98% of the time. However, once I started working at MTV I felt that I was expected to have a more intelligent answer. So, I changed my routine response to, "Yeah, well video shows don't rate well anymore, so MTV had no choice but to produce more original programming." That not only makes sense, it's also completely true. But sadly, all it does is force the person to say, "Yeah, but it's
Music Television," like I didn't already know that.
Listen, I like music videos. I miss music videos. I loved MTV2 back when they only played videos, before it turned into MTV. When I'm at work I watch MTV-U, MTV's new college-only station that resembles what MTV2 was. Now, if somebody wanted to have a discussion on how MTV2 doesn't even play music videos anymore I might be able to tolerate it. But that would require some degree of cleverness and unique thought, 2 things that people who say
"MTV doesn't even play music videos anymore" usually lack.
Now listen, if you're a person that has said it, I'm not judging. It happens. It's a very easy thing to get tricked into saying, and I'm sure 99% of us have said it at one point or another. I'm not perfect. I've said it.
But I don't want to have that conversation anymore. Done. It's not unique and it's not stimulating. It's like talking about Vegas and saying,
"What happens in Vegas STAYS in Vegas." C'mon, we're better than that.
I've already decided what I'm going to do the next time somebody utters the words
"MTV doesn't even play videos anymore." I'm going to make a fist, raise it up, and proceed to punch myself in the balls as hard as I can. This will serve 2 purposes. One, I will probably black out, thereby ending the conversation then and there. But more importantly, number two; it will let the person know that I would rather
literally punch myself in the balls than talk about MTV and music videos.
I think that would get the point across. Now please don't say it just to watch me punch myself in the balls. That would be mean.
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b at 2:17 PM
