my quick notes
I have a Motorola phone, and on my Motorola phone I have a little feature called
Quick Notes. What are Quick Notes? Well, Quick Notes are pre-written text messages that you can send to your friends rather than writing them out yourself. You know, the mundane shit like "Be right there" and "Pick me up."
A while back I started erasing the Quick Notes that came with the phone and writing my own, all under the guise that these are messages that I've sent / plan on sending to somebody... it's something I'll do when I'm bored on the subway. Now, I don't write just anything-- I have a goal. If I'm ever to lose my phone, I want my Quick Notes to be so intriguing that whoever finds it HAS to meet me and return it. I know that it's unlikely that the person that finds my phone will go through my Quick Notes, but just in case he/she does... Here's what I have so far.
QUICK NOTES
1. I won't wear them either, but at least I'm smart enough to pull out.
2. I need that combination or I'm fucked!
3. Will you please just admit that you hate me because I'm Jewish?
4. Tomorrow works for me, but only if your fiance is definitely out of town.
5. Where are you?
6. Pre-op, post-op, whatever. I'll do just about anything.
7. Guess who has herpes? U do!
8. The world needs you. Never give up.
9. It's all lubed up and set on vibrate. Call me in exactly 3 minutes.
10. One is just bigger than the other, it's genetic.
11. Told you so. You can never trust a midget.
12. I'm sorry I called you a dyke.
13. He's lying. Nobody can hold their breath for that long.
14. Let's give "us" a chance. You know we're soulmates.
15. They're your tits, you pay.
16. The shit works.
17. Good plan, but where would we get all the shoelaces?
18. HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE SAID HELLO??? IT'S TONY FUCKING DANZA!!!
19. You taste like a burger, I don't like you anymore.
20. I'm hiding it you know where. It's only mildly uncomfortable.
21. Yeah, it wore off at the worst possible time... whoops.
22. You didn't tell me he was in on this. This jeopardizes EVERYTHING!
23. Don't use my real name tonight, okay? Call me "Ronaldo." I'll explain later.
24. I can't even keep track of which kid goes with who. I'm no father of the year.
25. Just tell him you fell off your bike... he'll believe that.
26. Next time, you drive the van.
27. I never would have guessed you were so flexible. Thanks!
28. DON'T FORGET THE DUCT TAPE!
29. I'm sorry I called you a cunt.
30. I was only 1/2 kidding about our little plan.
31. Which one is treatable? Hepatitis B or C?
32. My balls still hurt.
33. If anybody asks, I was with you last night.
34. The safe word will be "pillow."
35. They are after me again, I know they are. Call for help.
So yes, those are really in my phone. I kind of want to lose it just so I can see the look on the person's face when they meet me.
Is that strange?
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b at 6:48 PM
