Lessons Learned from Just One of the Guys
- If you want to cover up the most perfect pair of breasts ever, all you have to do is throw on a flannel.
- Lifting cafeteria tables increases your upper body strength.
- It's perfectly okay to bring a tremendous lizard into the gym showers with you
- All balls itch. It's a fact.
- If you walk up to your male friend in the bathroom and brush his hair behind his ears and say, "It's just that you looked so nice today," he won't assume that you're gay.
- That Terry as a guy looks exactly like Adam Brody on
The O.C.- If you lose the back of your earring you can just use an eraser to keep it in place. (I have sisters)
- If your girlfriend talks obsessively about wanting a career as a journalist, you probably shouldn't refer to it as her "little hobby."
- And don't try to make things better by saying she should be a model.
- If you ever want to prove that you're a woman, just tear your shirt open to reveal your breasts. That will get your point across.
- Girls judge guys mainly on looks. Then it goes to what kind of car he drives.
- It should only take 1-2 months to come to grips with the fact that your best guy friend is actually a woman who wants to fuck you, and to decide that you want to fuck her too.
- There is some music that you just have to listen to alone. Like James Brown, for example.
- Girls dig guys who dress like Elvis Costello and look like The Karate Kid.
And on that note, I'm going to end this with perhaps the greatest movie question known to man: Did Greg Tolan despise Terry Griffith because he/she reminded him of Daniel Son? And are these two movies actually connected? Did Johnny leave The All Valley Karate Tournament after losing to Daniel LaRusso, quit Cobra Kai, change his name to Greg Tolan and relocate to another California high school to start a new life?
Think about it. The fact that Sherilyn Fenn describes Terry as looking like "The Karate Kid" could mean one of two things: Either the characters in
JOOTG were familiar with the movie
The Karate Kid, or they were familiar with the man that was the Karate Kid. I think it was the latter. The Karate Kid took place in 1984 while
JOOTG takes place in 1985, so odds are that the Daniel LaRusso story had made it's way around Southern California between the two movies. When
JOOTG begins, The Karate Kid story was probably just as famous in their high school as "the girl from the next town over with the dogs and the peanut butter" was in yours.
If this All Valley tournament was as big of a deal as they made it seem, when Johnny lost to Daniel he would have had to leave town fast. Like immediately, before graduation even (which explains why in
JOOTG he's a senior again.)
So what happened to Johnny/Greg in between? Well, over the summer he gave up karate but he didn't give up working out, so when school started up again he was a buff fitness God. He got himself some tough guy friends, landed the hottest girl in school, and immediately began asserting himself by picking on nerds and beating up "new kids" to make himself cooler. Everything was going fine until Terry showed up.
Terry-- this Karate Kid lookalike-- got to him. Suddenly, the Daniel LaRusso memories that he was trying to suppress came flooding back. He acted on it by throwing Terry in a bush (and subsequently making Terry's new best friend's life a living hell) but ultimately, his rival once again lead to his undoing. By picking a fight with Terry and Rick, Greg ended up coming off as more of a dick than ever before and lost his girlfriend because of it.
(Yet somehow he was still voted Prom King despite everybody hating him. I'll never understand that one.) Need more evidence that Greg Tolan is Johnny Lawrence? Check out the fight on the beach. There's no way that a loser like Rick should be able to beat up Greg (just like there's no way Daniel Son should have been able to defeat Johnny)-- but he does. During the fight you can just tell that Greg wants to unleash some Cobra Kai karate on Rick, but he can't bring himself to do it. The crane kick was still a little too fresh in his mind, and because of this, Rick took advantage and knocked him the fuck out.
Greg Tolan IS Johnny Lawrence. The greatest movie revealation EVER.
Now if you give me a few hours I should be able to tie
Back To School into this theory as well. Assuming I don't pass out first.
(And if you've never seen Just One of the Guys, I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry that I've wasted your time with this post... I'm sorry that you haven't even begun to live. Watch it. Trust me.)
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b at 4:22 PM
