24 Predictions Regarding 24
God, I love this fucking show. I'm going to go out on (several) limbs and predict what's going to happen, that way if my predictions do come true I'll look like a genius. Sorta. Here it goes.
1. The Secretary of Defense is behind the whole thing.
2. Edgar is going to get his ass fired for overlooking that important CD chock full of info.
3. While the President is recovering he will be visited by Bobcat Goldthwait, a dog puppet, and Nikki Cox.
4. The Vice President will get his hand bitten off by a loose seal.
5. Jack Bauer will die.
6. Jack Bauer will not die.
7. It will be revealed that Jack Bauer has been dead since Season 1, and the last 3 have all been a dream.
8. Jack will go through another 13 partners over the course of the final 7 episodes.
9. A CTU officer will be smart enough to actually say, "Ummm, I'm not going out there with Jack. Are you fucking kidding me???"
10. Elisha Cuthbert will make a Jimmy Fallon-like cameo to promote "House of Wax."
11. Paris Hilton will make a Jimmy Fallon-like cameo to promote "House of Wax."
12. Fox will promote an upcoming episode as "The most explosive 24 yet!"
13. During 24, Fox will promote an upcoming episode of American Idol as "The most explosive American Idol yet!"
14. The head writer for Fox promos will be asked to come up with an adjective to describe their programming other than 'explosive.'
15. Audrey will ask the doctors, "So Paul's paralyzed... but does his... you know... still work?"
16. Marwan will blame Marilyn Manson and KMFDM for the day's attacks.
17. Tony will get denied by Michele. He'll then go over and bang Chloe just to show he can.
18. Behrooz will save the day. Somehow. Some way.
19. Behrooz will get his own spinoff called "That's Behrooz!" a sitcom where he lives with American foster parents who have to come to grips with the fact that he's a terrorist (with a heart of gold). Who wouldn't watch that?
20. A new character will begin working at CTU. Nobody will realize he's evil despite his "I'm gazing around CTU suspiciously because I have to make a phone call on my Terrorist Cellular Phone and I don't want anybody to see me" look.
21. Jack will save the day with time to spare, so he'll head over to that place where the kids hang out on the O.C. to see The Killers perform.
22. Marwan will reveal that his main goal of the day was actually to kill the Pope, only to find out he was too late.
23. Chase and his hook will come back to save the day.
24. Jack and Tony will finally get it on. Only then will the season's biggest surprise be revealed: Jack is a bottom.
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b at 5:54 PM
