Guess The Karo! Vol. 9
Two columns have passed since we last played
Guess The Karo!, and I'd be lying if I didn't say they were the best ones ever!!!
Actually, I'd be lying if I do say that. They were awful.
So it's time to play America's favorite game about my least-favorite "comedian."
Guess The Karo! As always, the rules: I'm going to pull 4 "jokes" from Aaron Karo's bi-weekly column and create alternate punchlines. You're going to have to figure out which ones are fake vs. which one Karo deemed funny enough to mail out to tens of thousands of readers. Let's begin.
(1) I just want to point out that Brian got engaged about three months after we stopped living together, but he's known he'd be marrying his girlfriend for quite some time. So in essence, I lived with a married couple for at least a year. You know how fucking weird and unhealthy that was? a) Too weird for me to even comprehend.
b) I would have to beg them, "Mom... dad... please don't fight."
c) I actually used to yell at Brian for keeping the toilet seat... down!
d) It was even more unhealthy than me moving back home to live with my parents!
(2) Of course, with an engagement party, a bachelor party, a bachelorette party, a bridal shower, a rehearsal dinner, and then the actual wedding, the engagement is just the beginning of a yearlong series of events celebrating every incremental step of the process. a) It's like Billy Madison is getting married.
b) I wish my Bar Mitzvah was like that, I could've used the attention at 13.
c) And they provide single people a great opportunity to think, "Man, I'm lonely."
d) Speaking of celebrating, come celebrate my new book
this Friday at Sugar!
(3) Have you ever been eating something and casually looking at the box at the same time, and you glance at the Nutrition Facts and realize that you've just shoveled about eight "serving sizes" into your mouth in one sitting?There's actually no punchline to this one. This is the point where you're supposed to go, "Ohhhh my god! I sooooo do that!" Please, feel free to do that now.
(4) I used to eat Subway like almost every day and exercise regularly. Now I find myself eating a lot of junk food and avoiding the gym. a) It's like I'm doing Jared's diet in reverse.
b) Pretty soon I'll be able to audition for the part of "Before The Subway Diet" guy. I can't wait!
c) I wonder if Jared did the same thing after he graduated college.
d) If you buy my book you deserve to get AIDS.
Alright, and to conclude this week's game, as always, here's something from
his website:
RUMINATIONS ON TWENTYSOMETHING LIFE RELEASE PARTY
Come celebrate with me!
Friday, May 20th
Sugar Lounge
311 Church Street, NYC
10pm - Midnight
Bring your book for me to sign!
(if I'm sober enough...)
-KaroWho's going?
Answers are in the Comments section. Fuck me!
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b at 4:20 PM
