I'm not looking down your shirt
Okay, listen... I wasn't looking down your shirt.
I know you probably don't believe me. From your perspective it probably appeared that I was looking down your shirt. But no. I wasn't. I wasn't looking down your shirt. Seriously.
See, I'm the type of guy that when I'm on the subway I find myself looking around a lot. Hey, I'm a people watcher, sue me! But yeah, when you looked up I just so happened to be looking in your direction... specifically, in the direction of your breasts, but I assure you that I wasn't concentrating on them. My eyes were still in the process of surveying the scene, but as luck would have it you just happened to notice them at the exact second they were pointed your way. What a coincidence, huh?
I'm not a pervert. In all honesty, I'm actually more of an 'ass man' if you want to get personal about it. As an ass man, why would I try to look down your shirt when there are plenty of round, beautiful asses for me to gawk at here on the F train? Look at that Spanish girl over there with the perfect ass. Which one, you ask? My point exactly. There's a plethora of fine booty for me to check out, so if I wanted to be perverted and get my rocks off that would be my method of choice. Granted, you happen to have large, perky, beautiful breasts... but honestly, that's not my cup of tea.
It must be annoying carrying those things around all day. I can only imagine. Guys staring at them. Checking them out. Trying to look down your shirt while you're leaning over and fishing your iPod out of your purse. It must be awful. I sympathize. Or is it, 'I empathize?' I get confused.
So I'm glad we cleared that up. I wouldn't want you to think that I was another one of those skeezy guys who gets their jollies by oogling women and making them uncomfortable. I'm totally not. If I wanted to make you uncomfortable I would have probably said something like, "Got milk?" or "Excuse me miss, are melons in season right now?" You know, something sleazy but funny like that. But I would never say anything like that, I was raised by women... so I'm sensitive and shit.
You do have beautiful breasts though.
Where are you getting off? I'm taking this up to 49th Street, but I'm not in a rush or anything. If you wanted I could always get off with you and escort you to wherever you're going to, you know, make sure other guys don't do or say anything obscene. It is a low cut shirt after all, and I know how terrible guys can be sometimes. So what do you say?
What? My eyes did
not just drop down when I said that. I was looking you in the eyes, I'm positive. You're just being paranoid. I did
not just do it again! Well, maybe I wouldn't be doing it if you had the dignity to cover those things up. I mean, they're just poking out begging to be stared at. I'm just a man, what do you want from me? If you didn't want guys to stare at them you shouldn't have worn that shirt. Especially without a bra.
Well I'm getting off here. Sorry for that little outburst. Can I get your number? No? That's cool. Yeah, I wouldn't want to have to tell our kids that their parents met on the subway anyway, right? Ha ha ha ha ha. Ahhhhh. Okay.
Nice tits.
Bye!
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b at 2:27 PM
