It's That Time Of Year Again; The 2006 Pearl River Memorial Pub Crawl
Listen-- we all know this blog is deader than Bill Bellamy's movie career (hey-o!), but I still feel like it's my civic duty to share with you the details of the 2006 Pearl River Memorial Pub Crawl. What can I say; old habits die hard. Here's this year's Pub Crawl email courtesy of Dan Hanzus. Enjoy. I begin this year with a story of hope and inspiration.
Thanksgiving Eve was an event in Pearl River long before members of the Class of 1998 ever sipped their first Bartles & Jaymes wine cooler. An unofficial town reunion of sorts, the night provided young locals the opportunity to guzzle brew with old friends, labor through awkward conversations, make out with past crushes and smile for pictures never to be seen -- all while comparing the state of your life to that of your hometown contemporaries. There were also a bunch of "human oval" jokes. When the night of hard-drinking transitioned into a day of hangovers, STD tests and turkey, nobody complained.
But something strange happened on the way to the pub. The kids from PR wanted more. And so it was that the inaugural Pearl River Memorial Pub Crawl was born in 2002. An instant success, the Crawl has grown in size and influence with each passing year, an epic group outing that has weaved its way into the very fabric of the town itself.
In keeping with the tradition of naming the event in honor of a recently fallen celebrity, the 2006 Pearl River Pub Crawl will remember Pat Morita, perhaps best known for his role as Mr. Miyagi, the loveable old Asian with an acute affection for young boys in the 1984 Hollywood blockbuster, "The Karate Kid." Some may also recall Morita (and by "some" I mean Bob and I) as the loveable old Asian vagabond in the 1992 Cinemax teen masturbation epic, "Miracle Beach." Morita passed away on Thanksgiving Day 2005 due to complications associated with alcoholism. He was 73. His date of death is especially noteworthy because it gave him eligibility for the 2006 Pub Crawl by the slimmest of margins – one day. You can't help but wonder if Morita had that in mind before swigging his last shot of Sake.
I'm going to hell.
For those new to the game, here's a quick review. The Pearl River Memorial Pub Crawl is a game of skill and endurance set against the backdrop of the world of competitive binge drinking. The contest is made up of co-ed groups of two, in a multiple-stop tour of bars spanning across beautiful Pearl River, better known as "Still the Town of Friendly People." This slogan remains endlessly confusing to outsiders. Each team will be distributed a scorecard and pencil, where they will track their drinking progress throughout the night. A rundown of the point system is as follows:
Beer = 1 point
Mixed drink = 2 points
Shot = 3 points
Irish Car Bomb = 5 points The team that accumulates the most points by the end of the evening is crowned champion and will receive an unspecified grand prize. Large-breasted women and massively-endowed men will also be offered up to the victors.
Let's take a closer look at how we got here:
2002The first Pub Crawl was held mere months after college graduation for many of the participants and was presented in honor of TLC songstress Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez, who was killed that April in a Honduras car accident. The event proved to be a historic moment in Pearl River history, widely regarded as the first pub crawl to institute an intricate scoring system. This may have been an unprecedented world event as well. Crawl co-founder Bob Castrone and partner Cristen Megdanis were the inaugural winners, the grand prize a hastily-produced unauthorized "Left Eye" biography on paperback.
2003Following the startling success of the first Crawl, participants and stakes grew in Pearl River. The sophomore proceedings were named in honor of Fred "Rerun" Berry, the African American funnyman and "What's Happening" star who died following a stroke in October of that year. Notable moments included the introduction of the bonus drink super-score, the look on the bartender's face at Pearl River Lanes when 20 buzzed retards poured in, and a second straight victory for the Castrone/Megdanis team, who remain the only two-time winners. The grand prize was a pair of Rerun-emblazoned T-shirts designed for the event.
2004Year 3 of the Pub Crawl continued in the successful vein of the first two events, with growing numbers and increased visibility throughout the community. The event was christened in honor of rapper Russell Jones – more popularly known as Ol' Dirty Bastard -- who died of a drug overdose just two weeks earlier. The '04 Crawl was the first event to be threatened by poor weather conditions, as rain extended the group's visits to the Grasshopper and Pearl River Lanes bars (maybe … this is mostly a guess, but might be correct). Event co-founder Dan Hanzus and Christine Ann Ruis were crowned winners. They were presented with engraved plaques commemorating the victory.
2005The most recent incarnation set a new standard in participation, as more than 20 drinkers took part in the festivities. The '05 Crawl was in remembrance of Rosa Parks, the African American civil rights icon who passed away from natural causes a month earlier. The competition featured one of the odder moments in Crawl history, as two first-time female participants inexplicably made out with this one chick I happened to be dating at the time. Hanzus later noted that the incident at Fennell's was, "totally not as cool as you might think." Greg Badigian and Renee Menard were the controversial winners in the closest final tally in Pub Crawl history. The pair will be rewarded for their victory at this year's event.
So you're probably wondering, 'Who's my teammate?' Or maybe, 'Hey Dan, are you one of the massively-endowed love slaves?' Well, I can't disclose the latter, but I will let you in on the legal business. Teams will be chosen at random on the day of the Crawl. Defending champions may remain as teammates if they so wish. There will be NO trading of teammates. Teams that do not complete the Crawl in its entirety are ELIMINATED regardless of point total. Per tradition, the Crawl will begin at J.F. Keane's at 9 p.m. ET and will end at The Saloon some time later. Please dress warmly; Brian Brown lost his beefy right leg to frostbite in 2003. Big ol' teddy bear never had a chance.
Friends, this is our legacy. Make Pearl River proud.
(wipes away tear) As always, you're all invited to participate. Give me a call, send me an email, and come to the Town of Friendly People this Thanksgiving Eve. Do it for Mr. Miyagi. Banzai!
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b at 12:16 PM
